Let’s talk about something that’s buzzing under the surface of modern relationships: sexual soul ties. Ever wonder why a one-night stand from Tinder lingers in your mind for months? Or why a fling feels like it’s still tugging at your heart? These invisible threads—born from physical intimacy—can tie us to someone in ways we don’t expect. In a world where online dating apps make hookups a swipe away, sexual soul ties are more common than ever. So, grab a coffee, and let’s talk about the 8 key symptoms of these deep connections, with some real-life stories and stats to back it up.
Sex isn’t just a moment—it’s an exchange that can leave you tethered to someone you barely know. I’ve seen it time and again: a casual encounter turns into an emotional knot that’s tough to untie. — Dr. Peggy Bolcoa
What Are Sexual Soul Ties, Anyway?
First things first: a soul tie is a deep emotional or spiritual connection between two people. When it’s sexual, it’s often sparked by physical intimacy—like sex—that creates a bond beyond just the physical act. Think of it like an invisible thread tying your emotions, thoughts, and even your spirit to someone else. In my work, I’ve found that these ties can form fast in today’s hookup culture, where online dating apps make casual encounters just a swipe away.
“Sexual soul ties happen when intimacy intertwines your heart with someone else’s,” I often tell my clients. “It’s not just about the body—it’s about the energy you exchange.” And trust me, after 23 years of counseling, I’ve seen how powerful that energy can be—both for better and for worse.
8 Telltale Symptoms of Sexual Soul Ties
So, how do you know if you’ve got a sexual soul tie? Here are the 8 symptoms I’ve seen pop up most often in my Costa Mesa office. If these sound familiar, you’re not alone—I’ve had clients from all walks of life nod along to these.
1. You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them—Even Months Later
One of the biggest signs? Obsessive thoughts. Maybe you hooked up with someone you met online, and now, six months later, they’re still renting space in your head. You’re scrolling X, and boom—something reminds you of them. In my practice, I’ve had clients say, “Peggy, I don’t even like this guy anymore, so why can’t I let him go?” That’s the soul tie talking. Sex releases oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—and studies show it can cement emotional attachments, even if the relationship was casual.
2. You Feel Their Emotions, Even When You’re Apart
Ever feel a random wave of sadness or excitement and wonder, “Where’d that come from?” I had a client, Sarah, who’d feel anxious every time her ex (a guy she met on SofiaDate) posted a cryptic X update—despite them being broken up for a year. “It’s like I’m still plugged into him,” she told me. That’s a classic soul tie symptom: your emotions get tangled up with theirs, even across distance.
3. Your Body Reacts When You Think of Them
How about this strange thing: feelings in your body. Perhaps you feel excited or nervous just thinking about that one night. In 2023, The Journal of Sexual Medicine conducted a study and found that 68% of people experienced physical reactions, such as a faster heartbeat, when thinking about past sexual partners they were deeply connected to. I have personally witnessed this—clients have described feeling tingles or warmth when they think about “that person.”
4. You Compare Every New Date to Them
Online dating can feel like a revolving door, right? But if you’re stuck measuring every new match against that one person you slept with, that’s a soul tie at work. “Peggy, no one feels as electric as he did,” a client named Mike once said after a string of lackluster Hinge dates. It’s not just nostalgia—it’s a bond that’s hard to shake.
5. You Feel Guilty or Ashamed Out of Nowhere
This one hits hard in the digital age. Maybe you had a fling with someone you met online, and now you feel this nagging guilt—like you’ve betrayed yourself or someone else. I’ve worked with clients who say, “I don’t know why I feel so dirty about it—it was consensual!” That shame can signal a soul tie tethering you to unresolved emotions from that encounter.
6. Dreams About Them Keep You Up at Night
Dreams are a big red flag. If you’re waking up from steamy (or stressful) dreams about that person you swiped right on, your subconscious might be processing a soul tie. A 2024 survey found that 42% of people dream about past partners they felt “unusually connected” to. I’ve had clients tell me, “Peggy, it’s like they’re haunting me in my sleep!”
7. You Struggle to Be Intimate with Someone New
Here’s where it gets tricky: a sexual soul tie can mess with your ability to connect physically with others. I’ve counseled couples where one partner freezes up in bed, later admitting, “I keep thinking about my ex from SofiaDate.” That lingering tie can block new intimacy, leaving you frustrated and your partner confused.
8. You Feel “Stuck” in Their Orbit
Finally, there’s this sense of being trapped. Maybe you’ve unmatched them on every app, but you still check their X posts or feel pulled to text them. “Peggy, it’s like I’m orbiting her life, and I can’t break free,” a client named Jen once confessed. That’s the soul tie keeping you hooked, even when you want out.
Why Sexual Soul Ties Happen in Online Dating
Let’s zoom out for a sec. Online dating has exploded—over 60 million Americans used dating apps in 2023. That’s a lot of swiping, instant messaging, and, yes, hooking up. But here’s the thing: sex in this fast-paced world can amplify soul ties. Why? Because physical intimacy moves faster than emotional connection online. You might sleep with someone after a few flirty texts, but your heart and spirit don’t always catch up.
In my EFT work, I focus on attachment—how we bond with others. Sexual soul ties often form when that attachment gets scrambled. Maybe you felt safe with them for a night, or the chemistry was off the charts. Your brain and body log that as a “connection,” even if the relationship never grows legs. And in online dating, where ghosting is rampant (a 2024 study found 76% of daters have been ghosted), those unresolved ties can linger.
My Personal Experience: 3 Cases That Stuck With Me
Over my 23 years as a psychotherapist, I’ve seen some wild cases tied to sexual soul ties. Here are three that still stand out—and taught me a ton about how these bonds play out.
Case 1: The Tinder Time Warp
A 29-year-old woman, Lisa, came to me after a Tinder fling left her reeling. She’d slept with a guy once, and a year later, she was still having vivid dreams about him. “I don’t even want him back,” she said, “but I feel like he’s inside me somehow.” Using EFT, we unpacked how that one night triggered an old attachment wound from her childhood—feeling abandoned. Breaking that tie took months of therapy, but she finally felt free to date again.
Case 2: The Hinge Heartbreak
Then there was Tom, a 35-year-old guy who couldn’t move on from a Hinge hookup. He’d compare every new date to this woman, even though they’d only been together twice. “Peggy, it’s like she’s the gold standard,” he told me. We traced it back to the intensity of their physical connection—his first after a divorce. By focusing on his core values, he learned to let go and rebuild his confidence.
Case 3: The X-Factor Ex
Finally, there was Maria, a 42-year-old mom who reconnected with an ex via X. One steamy night later, she was a mess—crying over him daily, even though he’d ghosted her again. “I feel tied to him, Peggy,” she said. Turns out, their history plus the sex reopened a soul tie from 20 years ago. We worked on cutting that cord through visualization and self-compassion exercises, and she’s now happily dating someone new.
These cases showed me how sexual soul ties can twist our emotions, especially when online platforms make connections feel instant but fleeting.
How to Break a Sexual Soul Tie: 5 Steps I Recommend
If you’re nodding along, thinking, “Yup, that’s me,” don’t worry—there’s a way out. Here are 5 practical steps I’ve used with clients to break those ties and reclaim your peace.
1. Admit It’s There
You can’t fix what you don’t face. Sit down and ask yourself, “Am I tied to this person?” Journaling helps—I tell clients to write out how they feel when they think of them. Seeing it on paper makes it real.
2. Cut the Cord (Literally or Figuratively)
I love a good visualization. Picture that thread connecting you to them, and imagine snipping it with scissors. Some clients even burn a photo or delete old texts as a ritual. It’s about letting go physically and emotionally.
3. Lean on Support
Therapy’s my go-to (no surprise there!). A study found 76% of people who tried therapy had a positive experience. Talking to a pro—or even a trusted friend—can untangle those feelings.
4. Rediscover You
Soul ties can blur your identity. I ask clients, “What makes you happy outside of this person?” For Lisa, it was painting; for Tom, it was hiking. Find your thing and dive in.
5. Set Boundaries
If they’re still in your orbit (hello, X mutuals), block them. Unfollow them. A clean break helps your heart heal. Jen, from my “stuck in orbit” case, said this was the game-changer for her.
Conclusions: What I’ve Learned After 23 Years
After two decades-plus in this field, here’s what I know about sexual soul ties: they’re real, they’re messy, and they’re manageable. In today’s online dating world, where 1 in 3 relationships start digitally, these ties are more common than ever. Sex isn’t just physical—it’s a doorway to your emotions and spirit. When it’s with someone you barely know, that doorway can stay open longer than you’d like.
“Soul ties aren’t a life sentence,” I tell my clients. “They’re a signal to look deeper—at yourself, your needs, your patterns.” In my practice, I’ve seen people break free and build healthier relationships, whether they’re swiping right or meeting someone the old-fashioned way. The key? Awareness, support, and a little courage.
