Are there times when you pray that you will be able to be loving all day long with your partner, yet suddenly, an argument goes out of control when that’s the last thing either of you want?  Do you feel stuck when you try to change these patterns? Do you sometimes have secret thoughts of quitting the relationship, yet you know you love each other and there’s enough good “stuff” to hold tight and invest in some counseling?

Well, I know it takes courage, however, I invite you to give me a call and set up an appointment to talk about all of this confusion of feelings, thoughts, and interactions. Please call me before you quit or settle for a “cease fire” and/or a level of quiet disconnection.

News Flash! Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the most successful and longest-lasting therapy for couples and marriages. Research shows it helps partners become more securely attached (and, by the way, loving) with each other.

Relationships bring out our needs, anxieties, and conflicts with the people in our current lives. And relationships are often affected by our past with parents, friends, and former partners.

When we enter into a relationship (marriage or otherwise), we expect to be loved and accepted for who we are and to feel safe. Often individuals and their partners can be influenced by their personal legacies as well as by new triggers and current raw spots. Of course you want to turn your dysfunctional “dance” into a healthy one; and I want to help you do just that.

About me

Dr. Peggy Bolcoa, LMFT, PhD.

I’m Dr. Peggy Bolcoa, LMFT, PhD—a California-licensed Marriage & Family Therapist based in Costa Mesa, CA. I offer in-person sessions and teletherapy, and I’ve been helping individuals, couples, and families for over 25 years.

Many people come to me feeling stuck in the same painful loop—repeating arguments, feeling distant, struggling after a breach of trust, or thinking, “We care about each other, but we keep hurting each other.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

My focus is helping you reconnect and create a relationship that feels safer, calmer, and closer—especially when stress, anxiety, depression, grief, life changes, or old wounds are getting in the way. A lot of clients reach out when they’re exhausted or close to giving up. We’ll slow things down, look at what’s really happening underneath the surface, and build a new way of relating that actually lasts.

My main approach is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), along with attachment-based and family-systems work. In simple terms: I help you notice the pattern you get caught in, understand what each of you needs to feel secure, and practice new ways of communicating—so you can keep making progress in everyday life, not just in session.

Schedule an Appointment

👉 If you’d like a fuller overview of my background, approach, and clinical work, please visit my About page.

Find me online

Independent reviews & profiles

Credentials at a glance

Here are the core credentials and professional facts that ground my work as a therapist:

  • Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT), State of California — I’m licensed to provide psychotherapy services in California, working with individuals, couples, and families (license: MFT 28920).
  • PhD — I hold a doctoral degree, reflecting advanced graduate-level training in psychology and clinical work.
  • 25 years of clinical experience — I bring long-term, hands-on experience helping clients navigate relationship distress, emotional disconnection, and personal challenges with practical, evidence-informed care.

Education & Training

I completed my professional training in psychology and clinical work through:

  • Wake Forest University — Department of Psychology (Psychology training)
    Coursework and academic foundation in core psychology areas such as Cognitive Psychology, Social Psychology, Developmental Psychology, and Stress & Coping.
  • Chapman University — Crean College of Health & Behavioral Sciences (Graduate clinical training).
    Advanced training in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.A.), including systems-oriented (family systems) clinical education and supervised practicum experience.

Professional roles & recognition

Over the last 25 years, my work has included clinical leadership, professional service, and recognition, including:

  • Recipient of The Stan Peterson Award.
  • Clinical Director, The South Coast Center for Personal and Psychological Growth.
  • Member, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) — 20 years, in good standing.
  • Inducted into the National Honor Society in Psychology (Psi Chi) — Chapman University chapter.

Services & Issues I Help With

If you’re here, there’s a good chance something feels heavy right now—maybe your relationship is stuck in the same painful loop, maybe you’re overwhelmed, or maybe you’re simply tired of carrying everything alone. My goal is to offer a calm, supportive space where we can slow things down, make sense of what’s happening, and start building real, practical change—step by step.

Services

I provide individual, couples, and family counseling. Most people reach out because they want help improving an important relationship—partners, spouses, parent/child, mother/daughter, and other family or close connections. My main approach is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps people move from painful cycles into a more secure, connected bond.

Couples & Marriage Counseling (EFT)

This is a great fit if you’re experiencing:

  • The same fight over and over that escalates quickly
  • Emotional distance, shutdown, or feeling alone even when you’re together
  • Trust breaks, betrayal, or infidelity recovery (repairing “attachment wounds”)
  • Communication breakdowns and conflict that turns into a familiar “dance” you can’t stop

Learn more: Couples Therapy (EFT).

Individual Therapy

I also work with individuals who feel stuck in patterns that are getting in the way of daily life—especially after major stress, relationship pain, or loss. Common goals include:

  • Feeling less anxious or depressed
  • Working through grief and big life transitions
  • Rebuilding confidence and emotional balance
  • Creating healthier relationship patterns and boundaries

Learn more: Individual Therapy.

Family & Relationship Counseling

Not all relationship pain is romantic. I support family relationships too—especially when conflict, distance, or misunderstanding has become the “normal.” This can include parent/child relationships, adult family dynamics, and ongoing tension that’s hard to resolve alone.

View all services here.

Issues I Commonly Help With

Many concerns show up inside relationship stress (or get amplified by it), including:

  • Depression and anxiety
  • Panic attacks and phobia-related fears
  • Sexual concerns
  • Medical and health stress
  • Grief and loss
  • Work and career pressure
  • Stress management and burnout
  • Addiction and recovery
  • Parenting and family challenges
  • Conflict resolution and communication

“What if my partner won’t come?”

That’s more common than you might think—and yes, therapy can still help. When one person starts to understand the pattern and respond differently, it often changes the whole dynamic. Many couples begin with one partner, and the other chooses to join once they see progress.

Couples Intensive Option (3-Day Private Retreat Style)

For couples in acute crisis who need deeper focus than weekly sessions, I also offer an intensive format (by assessment and fit):

  • Friday evening: ~2 hours
  • Saturday + Sunday: ~5–6 hours each day (with lunch break)
    This structure can help couples who feel “the wheels are coming off,” are contemplating divorce, or feel they’ve lost love and attachment.

Therapy Methods

My work is grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment science—a practical, research-informed way to help people move from painful conflict cycles into a more secure, emotionally connected relationship.

Methods I use most often:

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

I help partners identify the negative “cycle” (or “dance”) they get trapped in, understand what fuels it emotionally, and practice new ways of reaching for each other—so the relationship becomes safer, calmer, and more bonded.

Attachment-based work (attachment styles & needs)

I guide clients in recognizing attachment styles and how they shape reactions, misunderstandings, and disconnection—then we build new patterns that support closeness and trust.

Cycle & pattern change (in couples and individuals)

Just as couples develop recurring cycles, individuals also develop internal cycles. In individual therapy, I help you notice the pattern, understand what’s happening inside, and shift into healthier responses.

Repair after betrayal / “attachment wounds”

When there has been betrayal or infidelity, the work often requires careful repair. I focus on helping partners process the injury and rebuild emotional safety.

Integrative, tailored approach

While EFT is my primary model, I closely attune to you and your dynamic, and incorporate what will be most useful to help you break out of the stuck pattern.

Schedule an Appointment

Research & writing

📢 My New Research Is Out
After two years of dedicated work—drawing on my own clinical experience, original research, scientific studies, and extensive statistics—I’m proud to share “The Psychology of ‘Mail-Order Brides’ in Today’s U.S. Society”.
In this paper, I examine the emotional, cultural, and psychological realities underlying international marriages, reflecting both the data and the countless stories I’ve encountered in my therapy practice.
Read my full study →

Featured articles & coverage

You can also read related pieces published on external platforms:

If you’d like more practical, evidence-informed writing on relationships, attachment, communication, and cross-cultural couples, you can browse my newest articles here.

FAQ

Q: What is your primary therapy approach?
A: My core clinical model is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), grounded in attachment theory and focused on changing stuck relationship cycles.

Q: Do you work only with couples?
A: No—my practice includes individual, couples, and family counseling, with a strong focus on relationship health.

Q: What’s the most common reason people reach out?
A: Most people contact me for help with relationship distress, especially when communication breaks down and expectations go unspoken.

Q: Can therapy help if only one partner is willing to come in?
A: Yes—often, when one partner begins changing, the other sees the growth and becomes more open to joining later.

Q: What issues do you commonly help with?
A: Relationship conflict plus concerns that often travel with it—like anxiety/depression, panic, grief/loss, stress, addiction/recovery, parenting/family issues, sexual concerns, and conflict resolution.

Q: Do you offer teletherapy?
A: Yes—teletherapy sessions are available (in addition to in-office sessions).

Q: Why do you focus so much on emotions and attachment?
A: Because emotional awareness and attachment needs strongly shape how partners connect, fight, withdraw, and repair—EFT makes those patterns clear and workable.

View more Q&A here.